I have chosen celibacy.
Not because I believe sex is evil. Not because I believe everyone is called to live the way I have chosen to live. And certainly not because I have somehow lost an appreciation for intimacy, companionship, or love.
I chose celibacy because of the work I do.
The work of The Intuition Bureau requires clarity.
People come to me looking for answers. They come because something in their life does not make sense. They may be facing a personal crisis, a business problem, a spiritual struggle, an investigation, a difficult relationship, or a situation where what they can see with their eyes does not seem to tell the entire story.
If I am going to provide sage advice to another person, then I have an obligation to keep my own house in order.
I cannot spend my life surrounded by unnecessary emotional chaos and then expect to see someone else’s situation clearly.
I cannot willingly cloud my own judgment and then sell clarity to somebody else.
I cannot allow everyone access to me and simultaneously claim that I am protecting the space from which I discern.
For me, celibacy became part of the foundation.
The Apostle Paul wrote something nearly two thousand years ago that I believe speaks directly to this decision:
«“And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.”
1 Corinthians 7:35»
Without distraction.
Those two words contain an enormous amount of wisdom.
Paul was not declaring marriage evil. Quite the opposite. But he understood that there are seasons and callings in which a person may choose a different road because their attention is required elsewhere.
That is how I view celibacy.
It is the removal of distraction.
Sex is rarely just sex.
It can carry emotion, expectation, attachment, jealousy, obligation, fantasy, insecurity, desire, memory, resentment and sometimes manipulation.
You can leave someone’s bed and carry that person around in your mind for months.
That is not clarity.
When your work requires you to hear the whisper underneath the noise, you eventually learn that some noise is voluntary.
You invited it inside.
And if you invited it inside, you can also ask it to leave.
Wisdom Requires a Clean Window
The Bible describes divine wisdom in a very particular way.
«“But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.”
James 3:17»
Notice the first characteristic.
Pure.
Before wisdom from above is described as peaceable, gentle or merciful, James calls it pure.
That matters to me.
If I am asking God for wisdom, discernment and understanding, then I should also be willing to examine the condition of the vessel receiving it.
A dirty window does not mean the sun stopped shining.
It means something is obstructing the view.
My spiritual life has taught me to spend less time accusing God of being silent and more time examining what I have allowed to become noise.
Sometimes clarity requires prayer.
Sometimes it requires fasting.
Sometimes it requires solitude.
Sometimes it requires walking away from people.
And sometimes it requires shutting down sexual access to your life altogether.
That is what I chose.
Everybody Does Not Need Access to You
Modern culture treats sexual availability almost as proof that a person is alive.
Desire must be acted upon.
Attraction must be explored.
Chemistry must be investigated.
Opportunity must be seized.
I reject that.
There are many things I am capable of doing that I have no obligation to do.
Maturity is not measured by how many doors you can open.
Sometimes maturity is knowing which doors should remain locked.
Scripture says:
«“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”
Proverbs 4:23»
To keep something means to guard it.
You do not guard something by giving everyone a key.
I have become increasingly careful about who receives access to my mind, my spirit, my emotions and my body because I understand that access has consequences.
There are people who bring peace into your life.
There are people who bring confusion.
There are people who sharpen your judgment.
There are people who dull it.
And there are people whose presence can pull you so far away from yourself that you eventually forget what your life sounded like before they entered it.
Discernment means recognizing the difference.
Celibacy dramatically simplified that equation for me.
The Vessel Matters
There is another biblical passage that I find especially relevant:
«“Depart ye, depart ye, go ye out from thence, touch no unclean thing; go ye out of the midst of her; be ye clean, that bear the vessels of the LORD.”
Isaiah 52:11»
Be ye clean, that bear the vessels of the LORD.
There is responsibility attached to carrying something sacred.
I believe advice carries responsibility.
When another human being sits before you and places an important part of their life on the table, you should approach that moment with reverence.
They may be deciding whether to leave a marriage.
Whether to pursue an investigation.
Whether to trust a business partner.
Whether to walk away from an opportunity.
Whether something they are sensing is intuition or fear.
Words can alter lives.
So I take seriously the condition in which I give them.
The cleaner my own motives, the less likely I am to project them onto someone else.
The quieter my emotional life, the easier it becomes to hear what another person is actually saying.
The stronger my relationship with God, the less desperate I become for validation from people.
And the less I need from the person sitting across from me, the more honestly I can advise them.
That is freedom.
Your Body Is Not Public Property
Paul writes:
«“What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you... and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.”
1 Corinthians 6:19–20»
If my body is a temple, I have the right to decide who enters it.
More importantly, I have the responsibility to decide.
That distinction has become important to me.
Celibacy is often described in terms of what a person is not getting.
I see it differently.
I look at what I am protecting.
My peace.
My concentration.
My emotional equilibrium.
My spiritual discipline.
My ability to wake up in the morning without wondering what someone’s silence means.
My ability to pray without having half my consciousness trapped inside yesterday’s argument.
My ability to observe without needing a particular outcome.
My ability to hear.
Those things have value.
And once you understand their value, protecting them stops feeling like sacrifice.
Discernment Must Be Exercised
Hebrews says that spiritual maturity belongs to those:
«“who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.”
Hebrews 5:14»
Discernment is exercised.
That means it can become stronger.
It also means it can become weaker.
I view my spiritual life much the same way an athlete views conditioning. You cannot continuously abuse the instrument and then become surprised when its performance deteriorates.
So I condition mine.
I pray.
I study.
I spend time alone.
I examine my motives.
I listen.
I watch patterns.
I question myself.
I try to remain close to God.
And I remain celibate.
Not because celibacy magically turns a person into a prophet.
It does not.
A celibate fool is still a fool.
But removing certain distractions creates room.
And what you place inside that room determines what happens next.
I chose to fill mine with faith.
This Is My Walk
I am not writing this to tell everyone reading it to become celibate.
Paul himself made clear that different people have different gifts and different callings.
This is mine.
At this stage of my life, I understand that some things are worth more to me than temporary pleasure.
Clarity is one of them.
Peace is another.
And my relationship with God is at the top of the list.
The Intuition Bureau cannot be built upon confusion.
If I am going to ask people to trust my discernment, I must first be willing to discipline the person doing the discerning.
If I am going to tell someone else to protect their peace, I must protect mine.
If I am going to advise someone to recognize temptation, manipulation, unhealthy attachment or spiritual danger, I cannot knowingly invite those same things through my own front door.
There is an old assumption that freedom means being able to do whatever you want.
I have discovered another kind of freedom.
The freedom of no longer being controlled by what you want.
The freedom to say no.
The freedom to walk away.
The freedom to remain alone rather than invite chaos into a peaceful house.
The freedom to recognize that not every appetite deserves to be fed.
Sometimes the greatest evidence that you possess something is your ability to leave it untouched.
I chose celibacy because I chose clarity.
I chose clarity because I chose this work.
And underneath all of it, I chose to strengthen my walk with God.
For me, that foundation must remain stronger than anything built upon it.
The Intuition Bureau